breedsmisery:

spencer hastings doesn’t know  _{kindness or love. she doesn’t know healthy love.  she knows of cruelty  ,  and neglect.  she knows of favouritism. she knows of screaming , deceitfulness , blame , and smashing obejcts.  its what drives her need for perfectionism. its her search for praise of any shape or form.  maybe  ,  if she’s the best student  , star athlete ,  member of a million different school clubs then maybe there is a chance that her parents may love her as much as they love melissa.  the STAR of the family. the favorite.  melissa can do no wrong ,  but spencer makes a mistake and her family shuts her out. she even gets blamed for things that aren’t her fault , things she has no control over such as her addiction and mental illness ( es ).  she is treated like an outcast in her own family  ,  but spencer still seeks approval and love from them. even from melissa. what she wants most in the world is a family who cares about her.  so despite all the starving and desire for love  ,  searching everywhere she can for it  ,  when somebody does love or believe in her inside spencer is freaking out.  panicking.  doesn’t know how to act , what to do.  stunned constantly by softness and support.  she expects people to yell at her  ,  to be aggressive with her.  blame her.  to be cruel. because her family has taught her thats what love is. thats what alison  (  pre disappearance  )  taught her what it is.  believing that she probably deserves it anyway.  deserves the verbal insults and taunting.  maybe we should start blaming ourselves , maybe we desereve it.  but still apologizes  ,  wants to do better.  wants love.  but even when she is in a healthy , loving relationship that doesn’t mean that she knows what she is doing.  just wanted to really highlight this.}